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By Bruce Campbell

 

 

Do you have situations that consistently create negative emotions? Everyone has their favorites, but there are a couple that come up frequently in our program: excessive exposure to the media and difficult relationships. Here are some ideas on how to handle them.

 

 

Have you found yourself glued to the TV after the latest natural disaster or mass shooting? There is something about tragedy that draws us in and keeps our attention. The impulse is understandable, but it’s easy to overdose.

 

The advice given to the general public is good advice for us as well, maybe more so: expose yourself to bad news in moderation.

 

Overdosing on the media is one type of sensory overload, a frequent symptom intensifier for people with CFS and FM. When we ask our groups to tell us what things make their symptoms worse, sense overload usually ranks in the top four, sometimes as high as number two. (Being overactive is the perennial number one; other common answers include poor sleep and stress.)

 

There are many causes of sensory overload besides media overdose, including sensory information coming from several sources at the same time (e.g. TV on when having a conversation), noisy environments, fluorescent lighting, socializing in large groups, being touched or the feel of clothes on the skin, weather changes, strong aromas and sometimes specific people.

 

People in our groups reported using two strategies in response to sensory overload, both of which can be applied to taming media exposure. One is to remove yourself temporarily from the situation that triggered the overload. For example, when at a noisy social event, you might go outside or retreat to a bedroom to lie down for a while. Applied to media exposure, it might mean turning off the TV after a limited time spent keeping up on a traumatic event.

If taking a short break is not enough, the second strategy is taking a longer break. For normal events, this means spending time lying down, often in a dark and quiet environment, until the sensitivity ends and symptoms return to a normal level. That approach may be a useful to media exposure as well: taking an extended time out.

 

In addition to treating sensory overload once it appears, people in our groups also report using two forms of prevention. The first is avoidance. The most common form of avoidance is the creation of a quiet and orderly home environment. This usually involves keeping the amount of noise in the home to a minimum, for example by avoiding use of the TV and/or radio as constant background noise.

 

Applying that to media exposure, some people in our program engage in periodic “media fasts”, in which they severely restrict or even eliminate all exposure to radio and TV.

 

In addition to avoidance, another form of prevention is setting limits. Some people set limits on the amount of time spent at various activities, such as the length of sessions on the computer, the length of phone calls or amount of time spent watching TV.

A third type of limit is to select settings carefully to avoid particular situations, such as crowds and noise. This may mean going to restaurants or movie theaters during slack times or sitting on the perimeter in public places such as theaters. Some people restrict the kind of TV and movies they expose themselves to, with a focus on avoiding exposure to violence and frequent scene changes.

 

 

I was talking with a college friend at a reunion several years ago. When I mentioned our program, she said, “I have fibromyalgia myself, but I’m doing much better.” I asked her why and she replied, “I divorced my husband.”

 

I’m sure that wasn’t her first response to marital conflict, but given the effects that stress has on fibromyalgia and CFS, it may sometimes be the most appropriate choice. FM and CFS have a doubly intensifying effect on stress. They increase the number of stressors in our lives and they make us more vulnerable to stress.

I call the latter resetting the stress thermostat. That phrase means that a given level of stress takes a heavier toll than it would if FM or CFS weren’t in our lives. Sometimes conflict can become so great that almost any contact intensifies symptoms.

 

Another common relationship stressor is frequent or habitual negativity. Emotions are contagious; we tend to be affected by and to get caught up in the feelings of those around us. Many people in our program have said that they are much more sensitive now than before to negative emotions and are careful about exposing themselves to people who are consistently or frequently negative.

 

(I had emotional contagion in mind when I started the self-help program. I wanted to surround myself with people who had a positive approach to CFS and were working to improve.)

 

Two responses to excessively negative people are to limit contact and to end the relationship. Dr. David Spiegel of Stanford advises, “Simplify the relationships that are necessary but unrewarding, and eliminate the ones that are unnecessary and unrewarding.”

 

My college friend gave an example of the latter. A person in our program recently gave an example of the former: setting limits on contact. She wrote that she had considered a couple to be good friends, but gradually realized that conversations with them were very draining.

Because she has taught herself to avoid needless arguing, she is able to be assertive about the length and emotional tone of their conversations. She also noted that knowing other people with CFS and FM was a powerful stress reducer, as they provided a unique source of support.

 

Another relationship difficulty for some people with CFS and FM is being around others who are highly talkative or fidgety. These people can create sensory overload. People in our program have addressed this problem using the same two strategies: setting limits and backing off from the relationship.