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By Gail Merry

 

I discovered pretty quickly that stress exacerbated my CFS symptoms but, by developing an array of coping strategies, I have made a lot of progress in managing stress and controlling the symptoms it triggers.

 

One of the most important changes was making big mental adjustments in my expectations of what I can and should accomplish. This was originally an idea completely contrary to my previous thinking, but lowering my expectations so that they fit my new situation has been really helpful.

I am not happy about having CFS, but adjusting my expectations for myself has reduced my suffering greatly and taught me truly valuable life lessons about taking my time, living more in the moment and not being so hard on myself.

 

I have goals for each day, each week, and each year. I have one goal for what I want to accomplish each day and my goals are usually something simple like do the laundry or visit a friend. I might do something else that day but I do not expect myself to.

 

My weekly goals include two activities that take more energy, such as visiting friends or a doctor’s appointment. On one day, that activity is my daily goal as well. I try to see friends or go to the movies or an art event or such once or twice each week.

 

Three years ago I even started having simple goals for each year. This helped me concentrate on just a couple big goals for the year and gave me some sense that I might be accomplishing something long term. For example, 2010 was the year of the dog. We got a new dog then, and I decided to concentrate on helping the dog adjust to us and vice versa. This helped me feel less guilty about not getting other things done. The dog was the priority that year.

 

I meditate almost every day. I use a variety of techniques. This helps me relax and I believe it has helped me train my brain to recognize when I am getting stressed and take some deep breaths or just a time out before the stress escalates.

 

I have a supportive husband and several friends who are very sympathetic and supportive. I am working at spending time socially with friends twice a week as it is a great pleasure to me. Twice is the most time my energy will allow for while social time is very important to me it also takes a lot of energy. I found that if I have more than one activity out of the house in one day I usually have a flare and don’t do well the next day and sometimes for several days.

 

I also exercise a bit every day by walking my dog for 15 minutes in the morning. I am slowly working myself up to a longer time. I also do easy yoga stretching exercises for 10 minutes every other day.

 

I also schedule a pleasurable activity for almost every day as well. This might be walking my dog in the woods instead of in the city or calling a friend or playing the piano. Pleasurable activities relax me, remind me that much of my life is still good and keep me from belaboring the nasty fate of having a chronic illness, all of which reduce my stress level. Having a regular routine and scheduling exercise and pleasurable activities has been very helpful.

 

What I would like to incorporate more into my stress management is problem solving. I know from experience that problem solving is effective. For example, because any driving over an hour really wears me out, I thought about alternatives for times when my husband can’t go with me. I now get rides with other relatives.

 

Another things that helps is to take deep breaths when I feel overwhelmed. Slowing down takes away mental panic and enables me to relax. Sometimes I’ll come up with alternatives right then and other times I’ll just make a mental note to sit down in the near future and work the issue through.

 

Two other stress management techniques that work for me are spending time with my dog and spending time with nature. Besides providing company on our daily walks, my dog is a great companion all the time. He is very affectionate, always available and always good company.

 

I also find deep satisfaction and pleasure from nature. I like to walk and often walk in the local parks. Gardening, which I do for 15 minutes at a time is also very pleasurable. Activities like horseback riding and canoeing have been pretty much eliminated for me for now, but with some good planning and energy management, I hope to get back to them in the future.

 

One part of CFS that surprised me was the fact that good stress, such as getting excited about something I was looking forward to, brought on fatigue and other symptoms just like bad stress does. For example, I was very pleased and felt excited when I found out I had been approved for SSDI after two and a half years. The result of my excitement, however, was the feeling of being hit by a truck.

 

All that “good stress” made me really achy, really tired, really brain-fogged. That just did not seem right, but I learned an important lesson from the experience: any stress wears me out. I’m beginning to work on reducing the price of good news by being less excited by it.

 

Finally participating in this program’s self-help groups has been a tremendous stress reliever for me. I learn a lot and I have a peer group to share with. It is a great relief to me to be able to compare how I am doing to people in similar circumstances, rather than comparing myself to healthy people. So many of the tools and strategies that have relieved stress and helped me truly improve my life have come from these groups. I am truly grateful to have found this resource.